The other day when I was meditating I was reflecting back to when my family would go camping. In the cool mornings of camp my Dad would get up before the rest of us and stoke the smoldering ambers of the fire, feeding them just the right amount of wood to get the fire ready for perking his coffee and making our breakfast. That memory gives me comfort after all these years, especially since my Dad is no longer living. Although lately I have been feeling his presence more frequently over the last couple of months. That is just one of my gifts of sobriety.
Getting sober is kind of like feeding a fire in preparation for making a meal; our Higher Power takes the smoldering ambers of lives and gently transforms them (us) into contributing members of society again. I am very grateful for those who fanned my smoldering ambers, getting them just right for roasting marshmallows, the life I am living now.
I am grateful that I can now see my good memories and not just the imperfections of my past. There were far to many years that I only focused on the bad stuff; however at that time I wasn’t totally ready to walk my journey of dealing with the emotions that was hiding under that anger. It has taken many counselors and much depression before I became ready. There is that old saying, “when the student is ready the teacher appears.” That was so very true for me. It took what it took to prepare me for the healing that needed to take place in order for me to start focusing on the good stuff in my life instead of the negative.
A few years ago, 4 to be exact, my husband got diagnosed with throat cancer. That was a very difficult time for both of us. Even after 20 plus years of sobriety I was still quite emotionally immature. At the end of his treatments, he couldn’t eat and I couldn’t stand seeing his suffering. I was desperate to deal with the powerless emotions I was feeling. I couldn’t drink and I couldn’t cope, so I did something had worked in my past. I went out and grabbed my tree nippers and began trying to wrangle a branch of an oak tree that was hanging over our pool patio and had been bugging me. Well lets just say that oak is still healthy and has replaced that branch that I so desperately needed to trim. Time has healed that limb I trimmed that day as I too have healed from that day. I ended up having to heal from shoulder surgery as well as the emotions left behind from our cancer experience and my emotions that I had never been able to experience. That was another bottom for me.
Today I am celebrating 25 years of sobriety. I know that it has been God’s grace, my program of recovery and all of the wonderful people who have shared their experience, strength and hope that has allowed me to grow and heal from my past. We are all miracles recovering and healing one day at a time.
I pray you have a good evening and can feel the healing touch of your higher power. I am sending you light and love.