Have you ever wondered why everything bothers you or you can’t stand to see someone sad or upset or how come you replay a conversation over and over again in your head? I am guilty of all of these character traits. There are so many times when I wish I could just let things go. But, that isn’t who I am or will ever be. Although, I am learning to set healthy boundaries, which is a big help for my emotional sanity.
I have always called myself a sponge, because I soak up everything around me. It becomes very overwhelming at times. I remember times when I was growing up that I would just break down and cry. My Dad would ask me to talk to him or tell him what was wrong, but I couldn’t. I could never figure out how to manage everything I felt all the time. I picked up on everyone’s emotions and reacted. I often felt like I was walking around on egg shells and had a lot of anxiety. I never wanted anyone to get upset with me and have always hated having anyone upset with me. It felt as if they were taking their love and my belonging from me.
I think this barrage of emotions I felt all the time definitely contributed to my drinking problem. Once I got that feeling of having no anxiety after I drank of couple of drinks; I just wanted to drink more and feel less. It was such a relief. I had no idea that I would become dependent upon alcohol to survive emotionally. Many of us with addiction problems are extremely sensitive people, and we have so much empathy that it can be difficult to be happy and not overwhelmed with sadness and depression, especially if you can’t verbalize what you are feeling. I was able to talk to my mom and her words saved my life at those times when I felt desperate and out of control. Thanks Mom. One thing I have learned is that I have to keep talking in order to live and survive being a highly sensitive person. We all need to give voice to our emotions, even if it is tough to put what we are feeling into words.
Being a highly sensitive person is what’s called being an empath. An empath is when you feel someone’s emotions as if they were your own; you don’t just hear the words or see the expressions, but you actually feel the pain or the joy of the other person. “An empath is someone who feels more empathy than the average person. These people are usually more accurate in recognizing emotions by looking at another person’s face. They are also more likely to recognize emotions earlier than other people and rate those emotions as being more intense.” What is an empath? (medicalnewstoday.com)
At times being an empath is very overwhelming and overstimulating. When I’m being empathetic to someone’s joy it’s wonderful; when I am listening and hearing someone’s pain and feelings it can be overwhelming at best. Today, by gods grace, I do have tools that I can use to get past that feeling of being overwhelmed. I’m so grateful I’ve developed this mindfulness practice and am willing to use it most days. I use Insight Timer, and it is a wonderful tool. It is a free app you can download on your smartphone.
It has only been this last year that I have really been practicing meditation daily, and it has made a huge impact on how I feel and react to things. It’s amazing how being quiet and taking deep breathes can clear your mind, soul and heart from stagnate emotions that block more positive ones such as love and joy. Everything does not feel as if it is life and death anymore since starting meditation.
It’s funny you think you’re doing fine one day and then the next day you realize that you really aren’t. That’s when I have to pause and say what can I do to get past these feelings that are very overwhelming; I can reach out to others and ask for help or I change my focus to helping someone else who may need it. Helping people is always a good way for me to distract myself from chaos of emotions that I feel most of the time. I know that I’m not in the boat alone and neither are you. Higher power has put you in my life to help me to stay sober and sane, as well as you to help you. Being a supportive person and having supportive people in my life is what makes this journey of life more manageable and more enjoyable. I still have much to learn about being an empath, but I am taking it one day at a time. While doing some research for this blog, I found a couple of sites that may help you if you have been relating to anything I have written.
The Difference Between Hypersensitivity and High Sensitivity (highlysensitiverefuge.com)
Are You an Empath? Take the Self-Assessment Test | Psychology Today