Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real

What kind of person are you? I have always been a very fearful person.

When I worked at an adolescent rehabilitation years ago, one the counselors that worked with me gave me “label” of being a “fear biter.” I didn’t understand why until he explained that when a dog is afraid, it is unpredictable and may bite. So me being a very fearful person made him associate that name with me because when I get afraid my behavior can be unpredictable as well, fight, flight or freeze. Fear in itself can be very crippling and manipulative, especially if it isn’t a life and death situation. When I was a young adult, I was so afraid to stay alone at night. I would lay on my bed frozen and trying to watch every window and door to make sure no one was coming in. By the time my husband got home from partying I was an absolute angry mess because I was so afraid all those hours he was gone. I still have  a reoccurring dream where the back door of our trailer will not latch or lock. I really freak out in that dream and am trying to get someone to fix the problem, but no one ever does. I am not sure how or what that dream is about, but I don’t really like it much. Thank goodness that age has settled down some of those imagined and irrational fears of my youth.

“Fear is defined as “an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger” while anger is described as “a strong feeling of displeasure and usually of antagonism.” One of the most obvious links between these two emotions is the inherent negativity.” How Fear Leads To Anger & What To Do About It | Betterhelp

As alcoholics we are driven by a hundred forms of self centered fear, (paraphrased from Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous.) Me, I spent most of my life afraid. Now there were many times in my life where fear was appropriate and not irrational. For example, when I got bit by my aunt’s mother’s dog; he or she, I can’t remember anymore, grabbed me and shook my little leg like it was a bone. My uncle actually had to tear my leg out of the dog’s mouth, because it would not let me go. So for many years my fear of dogs was very real and quite reasonable. My mom had to stay up with me many nights because of the night terrors I had after the incident.

Another way that fear has kept me ‘frozen’ was with trying new things; I was afraid I would fail, so I didn’t try some things at all. I didn’t go to college after high school, instead I got married because I was afraid I wasn’t smart enough to go to college. I gave up on a dream of being an oceanographer long before I even gave myself a chance or even began. I never really told anyone about that dream because I couldn’t fathom how I would ever be able to do it.

After I got sober and starting telling my story, part of my story is about sitting on the fence of life and watching it go by because I could never feel confident that I could succeed. My doubts and fears kept me on that imagined fence of fear. Since being sober I have learned to recognize whether my fear is real or if it F.E.A.R., false evidence appearing real. I have also learned that my fear also resonates with a feeling I get of being out of control; that feeling brings about fear for me. So often that lack of control or powerlessness, as I am so familiar with, has to do with negative projections about something that has not even occurred yet.

Fear can be like my dis-ease of alcoholism, cunning, baffling and powerful. It is something I have really had to work on in my sobriety, especially since a lot of my fear stems from feelings of loss of control. But, the more comfortable I get with myself and the more confident I feel with my ability to be apart of, rather then the  feelings of being so afraid that I will fail or not be perfect. Today I know I am a work in progress, facing my fears and facing F.E.A.R. By my God’s good grace I actually am proud of this work I am doing and my fear of failure is getting less every time I post a new blog or write a new page.

If you too are a “fear biter” I recommend getting outside help; twelve step programs can’t cure everything, even though we wish they could. Counseling has been a big part of my recovery and it works. There is hope and don’t be embarrassed, acknowledging and asking for help is a sign of strength and courage, not weakness. Remember that you are worth it and you deserve joy and happiness; we all do. God Bless and lets take it one day at a time.

http://This site offers online counseling: About Us – The Largest Online Counseling Provider | BetterHelp

Are you paralyzed with fear? That’s a good sign. Fear is good. Like self-doubt, fear is an indicator. Fear tells us what we have to do. Remember our rule of thumb: The more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it.
– Steven Pressfield 

https://www.inspiringquotes.com/quotes-about-overcoming-fear/YJnaJn-NggAHrT9D