I just finished walking one of my doggies and was looking at the flowers, watching the waterfalls, looking at the ponds and this beautiful place that we are blessed to be able use. My neighbor’s property has become part of my peace train as in the song by Cat Stevens, Peace Train. I am full of gratitude and know that my life could look a whole different than it does today if I hadn’t continued to be willing and open minded throughout my sobriety. I heard that song that other day and really understood what it was about. Today I understand that we all have to make our own peace train. My peace train includes self-care, daily quiet time with meditation and prayer, staying current with my strong women and embracing life one day at a time.
The other morning, I woke up with a strong desire to pray. I barely had my eyes open and had immediate need to give thanks to the God of my understanding that I’ve come to trust and believe in. The fellowship I belong to has provided me friends and family. I am one of the blessed that has received this gift of sobriety. I had to be open and willing to take a chance on people and trust, which has definitely ebbed and flowed for me over the years.
Over the last decade I had slowly closed myself off from most people; I became very cynical and jaded and felt very alone, angry and depressed. I’ve never had a lot of friends and was picked on a lot in school and never truly fit in. Although, the friends I had were good ones. I had good times in high school, but I always wanted to be popular like the other popular girls. But that was not how it was meant to be for me. When I drank, I had a couple best friends, but once I got sober our relationships/friendships changed as did my whole life. I’ve always been one that has thought I could live with just having that right man in my life would be my everything and give me everything I needed emotionally. Well, I am here to tell you it’s not true.
A few years ago, my husband had oral cancer. We both survived thank God. We received many calls and cards from our friends and family. This one particular lady reached out to us weekly by sending cards with heartfelt messages of hope. I can’t tell you how that touched my heart. This lady, whom is now one of my best friends, has truly brought a new light to my life. It has been a very long time since I have had a woman best buddy. This buddy of mine has taught me how to love and care and be kind to others again. I had gotten so jaded and angry over friendships that did not workout over the years. She has helped me to open my heart again and take a chance on people while offering kindness and compassion. I am so grateful that I’ve stuck around long enough for the healing to take place.
I had given up on having a best buddy since moving south. It hasn’t been easy to trust and feel close to other women. I hadn’t really clicked with any of the ladies; my depression and anxiety kept me separate and not really feeling a part of, but rather alone and misunderstood.
Now I have this awesome friend who reaches out to me and listens at times when I don’t think anyone wants to hear about my fears or hurt feelings. We do this daily check-in and let each other know what we are thankful for and say how we are feeling that day. I do this with several women, and it has made all the difference. I have let these women see my vulnerable side and now call them friends, every one of them. Wow! what a turnaround from last year. I feel very blessed to have these friends; I can anyone of them and they are willing to listen. I need this group of women who have shown me how much they love and care for me, and they respect me as a woman of dignity and honor living a sober life. Friendships can make or break you in your life and in your sobriety. I free very blessed to have found this group of ladies.
You all to have made a difference from in my life the last couple years. And I’m so grateful for this blog and for the chance to reach out to others who may have no one. Well, I just want you to know I’m reaching out to you, and I would love to hear your experience, strength and hope. We need friends; we need people to love us, listen and show us compassion. My blog is a safe place; I hope you will find some love and compassion here. This blog and my writing have helped me to find my peace train.
This blog is dedicated to my wonderful and best buddy, who allows me to laugh and cry with her. It is also dedicated to the many wonderful people out there who bring light and love to others who are sick and suffering.
At this time in our lives with pandemic and the chaos in our world we all need friends; we each need a special people to shine the light on us and love on us. I hope you find your peace train too.
Recovery Connection: Addiction Recovery Articles and Resources
https://www.samhsa.gov
877-SAMHSA-7 (726-4727)
The New Science of Friendship | Psychology Today
Trust and Disclose: The experts at The Science of Friendship have found in their meta analysis of research that having a high level of trust and a high level of self disclosure also builds strong friendships. So be willing to open up about your life as well and being a good listener.