It has been a little longer then I planned since my last post. I kind of got distracted with the holidays and a mini vacation with my husband. Things are going good for me right now, and I am very grateful for feeling truly good and no longer just fine.
Fine now a days means something much different then it did, when I first got sober. I remember when I was first told what fine meant in early sobriety; I was a little shocked. F.I.N.E: F..ked up, insecure, neurotic and emotional. That about sums up some of those days on the emotional roller coaster that most of us end riding in early sobriety.
I remember feeling so cruddy, having the month long headache and feeling so raw. But, I am grateful that that was my detox, not like some of the stories I have heard that others have gone through. My bottom was low in one way, emotionally, but I still had my home and family and no DUI’s. I was very fortunate and blessed.
I remember equating sobriety with climbing a mountain, working hard to get to the top (or through some emotional crap) just so I could enjoy the ride down and cruise for a time until I hit the next thing to work through and figure out how to cope with that. Coping with life without having alcohol for a crutch was very difficult for me; some days seem to go on and on. Other days I would cry over the littlest thing. My anger was no longer soften by alcohol and managing my rages wasn’t easy.
I did continue my counseling for at least that first year of my sobriety. And I had people, new friends, who were there to give me guidance as well as suggestions on how to live without my best friend alcohol. I was truly one of those people who thought I would never be able to live and cope without drinking even though I was literally a prisoner of the bottle. I wanted to learn to drink like other people did, without all the planning, scheming, deception, guilt, shame and remorse that I went through pretty much daily. That way of living was F.I.N.E not the how I live today.
Today by God’s good grace my life is very good, truly fine as stated in Webster dictionary. When I do feel down or am having a bad day, I have tools to change my attitude and or cope with the feelings I am having. I also still have friends and family that will listen and give me the support I need to walk through the next leg of my journey of life, one day at a time.
Today I pray you have found some sense of peace are feeling better, not just F.I.N.E.
“Remember, there is no situation so completely hopeless that something constructive cannot be done about it. When faced with a minus, ask yourself what you can do to make it a plus. A person practicing this attitude will extract undreamed-of outcomes from the most unpromising situations. Realize that there are no hopeless situations; there are only people who take hopeless attitudes.” ~ Norman Vincent Peale
