Acceptance

Happy 2021! 

We survived 2020!

Often times I believe things happen for good reason; even though I may not always understand them.  And, I have come to realize that I am not meant to understand, just accept and move forward. Acceptance doesn’t mean I like what is going on, but it just is. However, there have many positives things that have come out this crazy pandemic and the year of 2020;  this blog for one, finding more gratitude and just taking our life down a notch, developing more love and tolerance for each other and just learning to be.

Recently,  I have had to focus more on just being and not trying to change or fix someone else. That is a tall order for this recovering co-dependent. So often in my past I figured I had to make everything alright or just fix you, so I could be okay. When in reality, fixing you won’t fix me and isn’t even possible. Recovery of anything is an inside job with outside help, especially when it comes to addiction.

Not only does the person who is suffering from the addiction have to admit their powerlessness, but I too, (in order to be of service) have to admit my powerlessness over your choices and accept you for where you are in your journey of life. I am powerless to change another person no matter how badly I want to help; I am learning that often times listening is the best I can do and maybe make some suggestions. Oh I hate being and feeling powerless!  Actually the other side of that coin is empowerment.

Over this last year I had

to accept that my recovery needed work and that I needed help, so I asked for it. When I first got sober, I was told that I had to ask for help. Wow! Even after all these years I have accumulated, admitting and asking for help is still difficult. I am very stubborn and can still think I have all the answers, but I don’t. Thank goodness! To have all the answers would take the fun out of life.

Accepting that I still needed help wasn’t that bad and the rewards have been amazing! Today I know that I have to walk through my feelings, even when it comes to deep trauma. If I accept and take a moment to reflect and not get stuck in the uncomfortable feelings, I can get to the other side. I still continue to be overly sensitive, but I can accept that part of me. But I am not longer going to wallow in that same old pain of my ancient, early childhood trauma.  I have spent many years doing that and as of today I am empowering myself by accepting and surrendering to the fact that I have to be an active participant in my life and recovery journey.

Today I have the confidence and willingness to just surrender and let go of all that emotional baggage of my past. I am so very ready; you have no idea! A long time ago one of my counselors, Maggie, told me that I had to learn to let the ghosts out of the closet by opening the door rather letting those ghostly emotions ambush me. Well this has not been an easy task, but a worthy challenge. By not allowing myself to get stuck in the mire of emotions that my trauma holds I am able to continue to move through them.

I realize that I will always be super sensitive, but I don’t have to always let things take me down to my core and rock my world. I am talking to trusted friends and am planning to finally give up this shit of emotion chaos that I let eat my lunch so easily. This is my plan of attack to rid myself of those old ghosts once and for all.

I can accept and move forward and you can too. It is really simple and not so bad. But telling my heart that isn’t always so easy. And, to be totally honest I have said this before, and I mean it every time. But, I am like an onion and an onion has many layers and so does trauma. Each time I let go, something does change and who knows this time could be the time of true acceptance and getting to the other side.

I hope and pray for all of us that have things to accept and let go of that we can continue accepting life on life’s terms and not give up. Life is good and worth taking risks. You are loved and worthy of the whatever work is required of you to get to the other side of your trauma or emotional ghosts. Recovery is a journey not a destination. God Bless.

Believe you can, and you can. Belief is one of the most powerful of all problem dissolvers. When you believe that a difficulty can be overcome, you are more than halfway to victory over it already.